A review of...Chris Addison's sideburns

Far be it from me to criticize talented performers due to their hair style choice, but, when the choice in question is actively distracting from said performance, criticism has to be made! It was a good 5 minutes into the first time I watched one of Addison's stand-up routines before I realised that it wasn't the slightly jarring over-the-top performance style, which seemed at odds with his naturalistic role as Political adviser Ollie in 'The Thick of It', no it was the wholly unnecessary baby mutton chops crawling down his baby face. O Chris, no amount of oddly fashioned facial hair will stop you looking like a 12 year old public school boy. Into the same razor shy category I also have also to put David Tennant. A man who also employs the same level of puppy like energy in his performances, perhaps the sidies give them a Samson like energy? On no level does that mean I'd encourage any man alive to follow their example. Side burns are an exact science and, admittedly this may well be a personal hang up (though please do comment in support if you are with me) but any fashion sported by the Wurzels should be approached with extreme caution...and this is from a dye-hard country girl! Boys, you have been warned, cut them down or find yourself a combine harvester!

How to make Elderflower cordial

The above photograph is Elderflower and NOT an attention seeking imposter

Taking a break from buying or applying make-up, me and my dear friend decided to make elderflower cordial. Its easy ! so easy you should go do it NOW! Yes NOW! Go forth my friends and reap the pleasure that is making your own cordial!

What we did

We went 2 minutes down the road to my local elderflower bush. The night before we had toddled back to mine at 1am and went a bit mental every time we saw white flowers. I am going to put some pictures of the imposter plants which get you all excited and then when you get up close leave you disappointed and sad. I also don't want anyone to poison themselves.

The offenders i came across is the dreaded cow Parsely and Hawthorn tree

White flowers smells nice = elderflower. WRONG from a distance this has tricked me many a time. With Hawthorn (bottom picture)The flowers are way too big and the leaves all wrong! do not be tempted by this imposter! Cow Parsly grows on the ground. Do you think nature would make it this easy to make yummy cordial? NO its a white flower close to the ground back away!

Now i think collecting about 20-30 heads is about right.

Firstly wash them and try to get all the insects out. If you cant thats ok. We filtered ours later (use muslim or a J cloth!) to get rid of the pesky beasts. We melted sugar in a saucepan full of water. Now i put the water in first. Bad idea as this made my cordial, very watery.My advice is to add maybe a cup of water to the sugar until it has all melted and dissolved. You can always add more water!

You then need to add 3 lemons. I recommend putting the zest of one of the lemons in the sugar/water mixture and then just chop all of them up and (a little squeeze to get the juice out into the mixture might be quite cool) then add a chopped orange. Add the elderflower and leave in a cool place for 24 hours.

After this you have your cordial! i recommend keeping it in the fridge so it keeps better. I also think elderflower cordial+spirits= goodtime+no hangover (according to a very reliable source) = more goodtimes!

Enjoy!

The quest continues.....

On my travels in the consumerist retail paradise that is my local shopping centre, I do like to go to Lush. For those who have yet to frequent the unparalleled ecstasy that is going into Lush (maybe its just me that feels this way) you are missing out on all kinds of magnificent bath products which smell amazing and do what they say! (just don't sue me if you can never get the glitter/flowers/colour stains/fabric butterflies etc. out of your bath).I can tell what your thinking, where the hell is my foundation review you closet hippy???? well look no further

Lush + make-up = pretty damn good

When i saw this in Lush i was drawn to it like metal is to a magnet. I knew lush had a make-up branch business called 'B' never too busy to be beautiful' this always intrigued me, but was pretty expensive and only available on-line in the area i lived (i am sacred to buy foundation on-line encase the shade is wrong). B went bust, and i guess Lush are now integrating a bit of the old B business into the current and the not going bust Lush.

You are able to use this as a tinted moisturiser AND an all over foundation. I really like this about the product. Its multi use is something i have never really encountered before.

I went for the light pink. Colours are split in dark/light yellow (check if you have green veins!) and dark/light pink (for those who have blue veins!).

The foundation is very thick and very easy to blend. You really don't need to use alot. When i saw the size of the pot i was a bit unsure how long it would last, but I seriously I think a pot with everyday use would probably last over six months. I apply this over my moisturiser and found it sits very well on top. It is as i said very easy to blend and feels very nice and moisturising, but only in a good way not in a horrible greasy way. I was very impressed by the results on my skin. It makes me look radiant and healthy, which i personally find is a very good look.

Its really up to you how heavy you want to make it, as its quite easy to layer up. Having said that, applying to much (i would say trying to have quite heavy coverage) does lead to your face looking an odd colour. I don't want to say the dreaded O word. But hell, i cant lie. Too much and you will look a bit like you are orangey. This may be a problem only i have encountered as i am quite fair, but i would still be a bit cautious about using too much.

Staying power is pretty good, i would say it would last you from morning to early evening but you would need a touch up after that. Due to the fact it has lots of lovely things in it (rose petal and soya oil) i really felt that it was doing my skin good and at no point did i get any annoying 'its really obvious you are wearing foundation' dry bits.

It makes an excellent concealer. I know this is a controversial point but i would go as far to say.... BETTER than Yves Saint Laurent touche eclat .

So whats the verdict?

THE GOOD

• its from Lush!
• Suitable for vegans
• ingredients list doesn't read like a crazy chemical lab stock take
• the price is excellent for the quality and quantity of the product
• very easy to blend or mix with other foundation/moisturisers
• multi use
• makes you look super glowing and healthy
• would be very good for dry skin

THE BAD

• Staying power could be a bit better
• it smells a bit like cooking oil
• The texture is a bit odd
• if you have very very greasy skin or are going to be in high humidity, i think this would slide

THE UGLY

• Too much and you more than likely will look like an ompa loompa
• Range of colours is poor

The Quest for the best foundation of amazingness

For many years I like many other women have been on a quest. Yes. A quest. To call it anything else would demean the years of searching, the years of smearing various waaaaay too orange gunk on the back of my hand and the incredibly stupid amount of money i have spent. Yes finding the right foundation is something not to be taken lightly, if it was I would use a tinted moisturiser.

Let me do all the hard work for you and spare you the trauma and bitter disappointments i have experienced.

Let us begin.

Loreal True Match foundation (on average around £9.99)

Because your worth it? (for the price, hell yes!)

Now I was very dubious about this. Mostly as any product boasting the line

'super-blendable perfecting foundation MATCHES the colour and TEXTURE (?) of your skin'

is going to make me think:

1. Colour Match? i should be so lucky!

2. I don't want anything to mimic the texture of my skin EVER. I want to cover it up! damn you loreal!

In reality it is actually a very good foundation for the price tag and i find myself wearing it far more than any foundation i have bought from MAC, Chanel or any other high end brand.

The colour was very good for my pretty pale skin (W1 golden ivoy is my shade of preference)

I find it blends well over my moisturiser and gives excellent coverage. I had many compliments on how flawless my skin was when i wore this.

I would be so so careful when using this. I was very shocked at how runny the consistency is. I have lost count the number of times i have had to wipe huge amounts of excessive amounts of foundation off my hands. The bottle does have a nice little pump, to be honest if it didn't i think ease of application would diminish into 'arrrrgh' territory. Iwould definitely recommend application with a foundation brush for a very nice airbrushed look.

The lasting power is very surprising, come bed time (the few times i have actually bothered to remove my make-up) i found i still had a substantial amount on my face. As someone who recently went through a snobby 'cheap foundation is lame phase' I found myself very pleasantly surprised.In addition to this i found the foundation had a good finish. Matte but not 'oh my god i look like a crazed mannequin' good matte, which kept my nose shine free until lunch time (a rare feat).

One thing which really really bugs me about this and other loreal foundations, is that there appears to be no consistency in shades across any of there ranges. For instance i was so impressed by my true match, that i thought i would try Loreals infallible 16 hour foundation. However i couldn't find any shade that matched my true match shade, all of the shade names were different within this range. Which as you can imagine was quite frustrating. Eventually i had to settle for either a shade which was too pale or one which was too dark, which isn't a choice you want to be presented with really.

THE GOOD

• Easy to apply
• good staying power for the price
• nice finish
• doesn't feel too heavy
• good medium coverage
• a little will get you a long way.

THE BAD

• The consistency is quite runny (use sparingly!)
• didnt make me break out
• reduced shine (if you don't have very oily skin, i imagine this would be longer lasting than my experience)
• If you suffer from dry skin i would use with caution

THE UGLY

• The range of shades are shameful to be honest
• don't expect to be able to find the same shade in another loreal foundation (why loreal? whhhhhhy?)

Law & Order

Starting in September 2009, I will be yet again sitting down waiting in anticipation for the new series of the old American classic, "Law & Order". This year is the veginnings of it's 20th (!!!) season on American television, thereby making it the joint longest running primetime drama in American television history, and as everyone knows, it's not exactly easy keeping your show popular in the US. What's even harder, is keeping a show going that long, as the public knows, popular shows such as Scrubs, Desperate Housewives, even the supposed favourites such as Channel 4's Big Brother, struggle beyond the 5th season. They can still be popular, no question about it...however the strength in writing seems to start going downhill, or you begin to think you have seen it all before. Scrubs has even poked fun at themselves through the episode "My Deja Vu, My Deja Vu" where they admit they are running out of storylines. So the ability to keep a series still going strongly intowards 20 seasons is an amazing achievement. So how is it done?
The creator, Dick Wolf, has regularly admitted that the STORY, not the actors, are important. The premise is simplicity. The first half of the show is devoted to two detectives and their boss investigating a crime, quite often murder. They will find evidence and arrest a suspect usually half an hour into the show. This is the Law half, the second half is devoted to the District Attorney and his assistant trying to prosecute the suspect, with their boss helping them. A simple premise that has been used with varying circumstances for 433 episodes and a feature length TV-Movie. But what makes it more astounding, is that of the original 6 main characters in the first episode, of the first season, all of them have been replaced.

Since the Senior Detective Sgt Max Greevey debuted in the first episode, he has been replaced by 5 other actors. Since the Junior Detective Mike Logan debuted, he has been replaced by 6 other actors. Since the debut of Captain Donald Cragen, he has been replaced by Lt. Van Buren, who is now approaching her 17th season of Law & Order. Since the introduction of Executive Assistant District Attorney Ben Stone, he has been replace by 2 actors, including the famed Jack McCoy, the second longest running character at 15 seasons. Assistant District Attorney Paul Robinette was introduced and has been replaced by 6 actresses during the 2o seasons. And finally, the District Attorney, Alfred Wentworth, who appeared in just the pilot, has been replace by 4 other actors, including the famed Jack McCoy. This is an example of how the actors aren't the main part, but the premise and storylines. Since the 90's, Law & Order has been succesful enough to spin-off two shows, Special Victims Unit and Criminal Intent, which follows similar premises and have reached their 10th and 8th succesful seasons.

The creator, Dick Wolf, when asked why he feels the show has done so well, had this to say: "Most shows when debuted, are the equivalent of a 100 yard dash, hitting the ground running and eventually running out of steam. Law & Order, however, is the equivalent of a marathon, it's prepared for the long run." And despite the fact that the story and premise is supposed to be the main focus, the characters are all 3-dimensional with backgrounds ranging from recovering alcoholics, sons of abusive fathers, divorced mother, grandparents, ex-gamblers, all with a slight hint that resonates with real life people. They are all perfectly imperfect characters, with a perfect premise, that draws an audience in again and again. For people with an interest in intelligent crime dramas where the storylines matter, but with realistic characters, this should be a show for you. And shall surely be drawn in, from the first moment you hear "In the criminal justice system, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups: the police, who investigate crime, and the district attorneys, who prosecute the offenders. These are their stories."

A review of ....LOST: Namaste AKA "The one where Sawyer ownz Jack"

Well the first sign of an uneventful episode is surely that, only three hours after I watched it and I can only really remember one thing that happened . So to sum up this episode Check the post title.

OK so a few other things happened. All the lostiees were finally reunited for a start. Well not all exactly. Sun has been inexplicably left with Lapidus, Ben and the rest of the brand new survivors in the present day (err...presumably?). Being the plane-crash-on-a-creepy-island veteran that she is, this time Sun knows exactly what to do. Follow anyone suspiciously walking into the jungle until he tells you his plan, lul him into a false sense of security, then hit him over the head with a boat oar. So just in case you missed it from all the new power suits and clandestine meetings, this means Sun is a bad ass. Maybe that's why she was left of Jacob's list for all the time warping fun.

Also not at the lostiee's reunion was Syid. He was too late to join Sawyer's plan to pass the others off as new Dharma recruits due to having landed somewhere in the jungle, yet still in 1977, so had to take the next best option; admit to being a "Hostile" (although that's not how they refer to themselves- so says Syid- fitting into the role a little too well) and being put in prison with things going in a very torture or death kind of a way. Let that be a lesson to you about punctuality. Things ar'n't looking good for him righ now as he gets little help from his old friend Sawyer.

No too surprising really as through this episode we see that for the first time in his life Sawyer is a respected and upstanding member of the community. Making a good honest living, coming home to his lady, putting his feet up and reading a good book. Hell, he even has the white picket fence and the pet smoke monster in the back garden. And then along come some people he new for a couple of months three years ago and he has to put it all on the line.

Particularly lame considering one of those is Kate, who still passes him significant glances wherever possible, despite having been nearly married to his former love rival. Please stop with this now writers! Is there anyone who can't see how this story line is going to play out? If there is may I suggest watching any other series of lost, there will be the same love triangle in any one of them. It's like being in the groundhog day of whiny romances and it constantly gets in the way of Sawyer's character and any development Jack may have, not to mention it has completely made Kate into a 2D "love interest". Do something different. Have Sawyer stay with Juliette and please God don't ruin her by having her be the jealous, underwritten house wife all season! Not the it wouldn't be good to see a few more scenes like when Kate's name was not on the new recruits list and she was moments away fro a similar fate to Syid, before Juliette saves the day. Coincidence- I think not. Hell hath no fury like a 'bad ass baby doctor' scorned.

Then there was of cause the best moment in the episode. OK some fans may still like Jack (well some people like Marzipan, you just can't trust some people) and dislike Sawyer's Cowboy stylings but, hay if being a bit rude is what it takes to take Saint Jack down a peg or two then fine. Besides, Sawyer isn't really an uneducated hick don't you know. He reads books and knows about Churchill. Churchill see Jack, who's the smart one now eh?! O what's that you say? You're a top spinal surgeon? Books and Churchill! Just focus on the books and Churchill. Intellectual damn it, Intellectual...will you people never see past the 'married to my sister' accent!?

O and then there was some weirdness with Christian and a floodlit house in Dharma town, which for some reason Sun and Lapidus needed a torch to enter. But well have to wait until next week to find out whats is going on there.

Unanswered Questions:

Was that Clair or just a blond 'runner' reflected in the glass at the Dharma house? Are some people sitting far too close to thier TV screens?

Does any one care enough about this Cesar guy for him to be randomly in episodes without any significant point? I smell a new Nikki and Paulo in the making.

Where the hell are Rose and Bernard? Have they gone into the same other world of characters lost in the time space continuum *cough* the writer's memories *cough, cough* as Catlin from Heroes?

Where exactly is Daniel? except for "not hear"-Thanks Sawyer- real helpful. Surely it is somehow connected to the ill fated coms officer building the Swan model?

A Review of....America's Next Top Model: 12 Cycles on but still compulsive viewing

America’s Next Top Model is the perfect viewing experience: mindless, brightly coloured and addictive. The show, presented and produced by Tyra Banks, is now airing its twelfth season (or cycle as the Americans would have it) and the format has been exported to countries around the world. A thirteenth cycle is being put together at this very moment.
I’m certainly conscious of what I wear and how I want to be perceived but I’m definitely not a fashion slave, partly due to financial constraints and partly because the whole concept is clearly dubious from an environmental or basic human happiness point of view. Nevertheless I am a dedicated and unashamed Top Model fan and I am committed to spreading the love far and wide. So, here goes!

For anyone who doesn’t know, Top Model follows your basic elimination reality game show format. Thirteen model wannabes are whittled down over the course of the series by process of elimination based on their performance in the weekly tasks. Each series contains a number of standard set pieces: the makeovers, the runway challenge, the go-see challenge and the Covergirl commercial. Eliminations take place in front of a panel of industry expert judges who critique the photos and performance of the girls. The winner receives a modelling contract with Covergirl cosmetics and gets signed up to a modelling agency.

From the first episode that I watched I was instantly hooked and ended up watching the entire series in a single night (I believe in seeing an addiction through to the end). The appeal of Top model is simple yet contradictory. Ultimately it’s pure escapism. During the show the girls don’t have to worry about work or the mundane features of everyday life. They are thrown into an extravagant illusion of easy success based on looks alone. Yet it’s hard to say whether watching girls, who are prettier and thinner than me, having a good time actually makes me feel better about myself or worse. It’s rather like facebook stalking: you only stalk the people with more exciting lives than yourself even though you know it’ll make you feel inadequate.

But even with the escapism aside Top Model is worth watching for its visual appeal alone. The American version is the clear winner over the export versions in this respect. The budgets are incomparable. The American version is brighter and more lavish from the photo shoots to the judging rooms. The judging room in series one of Britain’s Next Top Model, for example, looks like the conference suite of a cheap hotel with a ‘Top Model’ sign stapled onto a grotty curtain. The Canadian judging room looks like it was borrowed from the set of an awful eighties quiz show.

As to the photos, some are truly stunning and you always look forward to the photo critique each week. In Britain’s Next Top Model the photo shoots are approached with a good, British dose of realism that reflects the overwhelming probability that even the winner is unlikely to feature in any serious fashion editorials. The judges’ in the American original make claims to look for an all-round winner who can do ‘commercial’ and ‘high fashion’ but there’s no sustained commitment to preparing the contestants for the realities of the less glamorous end of the fashion industry. The show never sacrifices the aesthetic glory of the dream for such dreary concerns.

So you’ve got escapism and aesthetics but Top Model also has some good, clean, family-fun entertainment thanks to the foibles of some of the judges and contestants. My all time favourite contestants from this point of view include Robin (cycle 1) who seems to have a biblical or moral maxim justification for everything she does, including buying $400 boots. There’s also Melrose (cycle 7), who epitomises the bitchiness that elimination shows can produce in people who are probably perfectly pleasant in the real world. In fact there’s a bitchy one for every cycle and usually a pair of girls who can’t stand each other so this never disappoints. The girls in Britain’s Next Top Model are arguably bitchier on the whole than their American counterparts and seem to form factions rather than there just being one or two bitchy girls within a larger group of nice girls. The first episode is always a selection episode and some of the auditions are priceless. Jaslene’s audition in cycle 7 is utterly glorious.

My all time favourite contestant by far, for entertainment value, has to be Jade Cole from cycle 6. She is outrageously arrogant, not only because of her looks and modelling abilities (frustratingly she does produce good photos) but also from a wildly misplaced belief in her level of intelligence. You have to see it to believe it but she has a unique vocabulary featuring words such as ‘analystic’, ‘tornness’, ‘dwelve’, ‘withhandle’ and ‘derrogatoriness’ which she not only believes are accepted words but that they make her sound intelligent. My favourite quote is “Elephants are just incredible. They’re so preposterous” but there are countless others.

Some of the judges are brilliant too. Janice Dickinson (cycles 1-4), boldly asserting herself as the world’s first supermodel, represents the brutal voice of the fashion industry and generally berates the girls for being ‘too fat’. She also has a hilarious argument with another judge Jay Manuel (who presents the Canadian version and claims that his skin is naturally that colour) in cycle 1 and is eventually replaced with Twiggy (cycles 5-9), the lovable fashion aunty who has a genuine claim to being the world’s first supermodel. The veteran model in Britain’s Next top Model is Huggy Ragnarsson: a walking warning to anyone considering plastic surgery. Back in America, two- time judge Nole Marin (cycles 3 and 4) ought to have some sort of statue erected in his honour for fulfilling so many fashion stereotypes. He’s a fashion editior who is gay, bitchy, short and a bit tubby, ruthless in judging the girls on their weight and has a miniature dog. Nigel Barker, the most enduring judge, probably owes the longevity of his service to the fact that there would be a tidal wave of abuse letters if the female viewers didn’t get to look at him each episode. His English accent appears to particular advantage next to the Americans and makes him all the more handsome.

Finally, there’s Tyra herself. There’re moments in the cycles when she shows surprising insights and she usually has intelligent and worthwhile advice for the contestants. There’s also her achingly awful attempt at a pop single and her frequent crazy moments which I can only assume are unfortunate attempts to make her look a bit quirky or original. When watching the programme you may sometimes wonder if you’re watching some sort of speech therapy programme as both Tyra and Jay Manuel belong to the presenter school of thought that believes in speaking patronisingly slowly and over-enunciating. There’s also the scandal as to whether cycle 9 was fixed so that Saleisha would win. It’s all on Youtube but the evidence looks pretty convincing to me, particularly as Chantal, the runner-up was basically a goddess.

The real question though, after twelve cycles, is does Tyra actually care about the girls anymore? Certainly comparing cycle 1 to the following cycles there’s a massive decline in the amount of time that Tyra personally invests into the girls’ progress. However, anyone questioning her interests needs to watch Tyra yelling at Tiffany in Cycle 4. Literally watch it now! It’s the rawest emotion that I’ve ever seen on a reality TV show, or maybe on any TV show, and it’s hard to believe that they didn’t edit it out.

So where should the Top Model novice begin their obsession? At the very beginning... Cycle 1 is probably still my favourite cycle and as I said there’s a lot more Tyra time and a feeling that there’s more at stake as there can only be one original top model winner. Cycles 8, 2 and 7 closely follow as my next favourites but, believe me, once you’ve watched one you will NEED to watch them all!